Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Weird Things Customers Say In Bookstores
Penulis : Jen Campbell
Tahun Terbit : 2012
Bahasa : Inggris
Format : ebook
Rating : 5 of 5 stars
Muahahaha....Finished this in just one sitting, and I had a really good time of laughing my ass off.
One of the perks of having a job that requires you meeting lots of people is you'll realize there's many different people out there. There are hilarious people, weird, funny, funnily weird, nice, etc.
From this book, now I know there is customer...
- that's naive and funny:
CUSTOMER (holding up a Jamie Oliver cookbook) : Would you mind if I photocopied this recipe?
BOOKSELLER : Yes, I would.
- that likes Shakespeare though he/she has no idea who he is :
CUSTOMER: Excuse me, do you have any signed copies of Shakespeare plays?
BOOKSELLER : Er . . . do you mean signed by the people who performed the play?
CUSTOMER : No, I mean signed by William Shakespeare.
BOOKSELLER : . . .
- that truly believe in superstitious :
BOOKSELLER: OK, so with postage that brings your total to £13.05. One second and I’ll get the card machine.
CUSTOMER : No. No, absolutely not. I demand that you charge me £12.99. I wil not pay for anything that starts with thirteen. You’re trying to give me bad luck. Now, change it, or I will go to a bookshop which doesn’t want me to fall down a hole and die. OK?
- that's so into Dark Arts 'till he/she's gonna look for the street that-doesn't-exist
CUSTOMER: Do you have any books on the dark arts?
BOOKSELLER : . . . No.
CUSTOMER : Do you have any idea where I could find some?
BOOKSELLER : Why don’t you try Knockturn Alley?
CUSTOMER : Where’s that?
BOOKSELLER : Oh, the centre of London.
CUSTOMER : Thanks, I’ll keep my eyes peeled for it.
- that wanna try to cook sperm
CUSTOMER : Hi, do you have that sperm cookbook?
BOOKSELLER : No, we don’t.
CUSTOMER : That’s a shame; I really wanted to try it. Have you tried it?
BOOKSELLER : I have not.
(PS : Dear Customer, if you find one later, would you please lend me the book? Just wanna see it)
- that's thinking there's no harm in trying
CUSTOMER : Do you have security cameras in here?
BOOKSELLER : Yes.
CUSTOMER : Oh. (customer slides a book out from inside his jacket and places it back on the shelf)
-that's taking the saying if-there's-no-rattan-roots-can- be-used (is there a saying like this in english?) too far
CUSTOMER : Do you have a copy of Jane Eyre?
BOOKSELLER : Actualy, I just sold that this morning, sorry!
CUSTOMER : Oh. Have you read it?
BOOKSELLER : Yes, it’s one of my favourite books.
CUSTOMER : Oh, great (sits down beside bookseller). Could you tell me all about it? I have to write an essay on it by tomorrow.
- that for some unknown reason wanna read a book typed by monkeys
CUSTOMER : You know how they say that if you gave a thousand monkeys typewriters, then they’d eventually churn out really good writing?
BOOKSELLER : . . . yes.
CUSTOMER : Well, do you have any books by those monkeys?
BOOKSELLER : . . .
- that also an author who just wanna sell his book
MAN : Hi, I’ve just self-published my art book. My friends tell me that I’m set to be the new Van Gogh. How many copies of my book would you like to pre-order?
BOOKSELLER : You know, Van Gogh was never appreciated in his lifetime.
MAN : . . .
- that wishes Robin Hood isn't a thief
CUSTOMER : Do you have any Robin Hood stories where he doesn’t steal from the rich? My husband’s called Robin and I’d like to buy him a copy for his birthday, but he’s a banker, so ...
- that's imaginative
CUSTOMER : Doesn’t it bother you, being surrounded by books all day? I think I’d be paranoid they were all going to jump off the shelves and kill me.
BOOKSELLER : . . .
- that really loves his wife and just wanna give her best birthday present ever
CUSTOMER : Do you have any books signed by Margaret Atwood?
BOOKSELLER : We have many Margaret Atwood books, but I’m afraid we don’t have any signed by Margaret Atwood, no.
CUSTOMER : I’m looking for a birthday present of my wife. I know she’d really love a signed copy. You couldn’t fake a signature could you?
- that love his/her daughter
CUSTOMER : You know that film : Coraline?
BOOKSELLER : Yes, indeed.
CUSTOMER : My daughter loves it. Are they going to make it into a book?
- that's asking what seems like the most-difficult-question ever
CUSTOMER (holding up a copy of Ulysses) : Why is this book so long? Isn’t it supposed to be set in one day only? How can this many pages of things happen to one person in one day? I mean, I get up, have breakfast, go to work, come home... sometimes I might go out for a drink, and that’s it! And, I mean, that doesn’t fill a book, does it?
- that loves a book based on actor who plays the movie adaptation
WOMAN : Hi, where are your copies of Breaking Dawn? I can’t see any on the shelf.
BOOKSELLER : Sorry, I think we’ve sold out of the Twilight books; we’re waiting on more.
WOMAN : What?
BOOKSELLER : We should have some more in tomorrow.
WOMAN : But I need a copy now. I finished the third one last night.
BOOKSELLER : I’m sorry, I can’t help you.
WOMAN : No, you don’t understand, I’ve taken the whole day off work to read it.
BOOKSELLER : Erm . . .
WOMAN : I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! NOW!
BOOKSELLER : Erm . . .
WOMAN : Can you call your wholesaler and see if they can deliver this afternoon?
BOOKSELLER : They only—
WOMAN : And then I can wait here for them.
BOOKSELLER : I’m sorry, they only deliver in the morning.
WOMAN : BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?
BOOKSELLER : . . . we have many other books.WOMAN (sniffs) : Do any of those have Robert Pattinson in them?
- that's realistic
CUSTOMER : These books are really stupid, aren’t they?
BOOKSELLER : Which ones?
CUSTOMER : You know, the ones where animals like cats and mice are best friends.
BOOKSELLER : I suppose they’re not very realistic, but then that’s fiction.
CUSTOMER : They’re more than unrealistic; they’re really stupid.
BOOKSELLER : Well, writers use that kind of thing to teach kids about accepting people different to themselves, you know?
CUSTOMER : Yeah, well, books shouldn’t pretend that different people get on like that and that everything is ‘la de da’ and wonderful, should they? Kids should learn that life’s a bitch, and the sooner the better.
- that's creative
BOOKSELLER : Can I help at all?
CUSTOMER : Yes, where’s your fiction section?
BOOKSELLER : It starts over on the far wall . Are you looking for anything in particular?
CUSTOMER : Yes, any books by Stefan Browning.
BOOKSELLER : I’m not familiar with him, what kind of books has he written?
CUSTOMER : I don’t know if he’s written any. You see, my name’s Stefan Browning, and I always like to go into bookshops to see if anyone with my name has written a book.
BOOKSELLER : . . . right.
CUSTOMER : Because then I can buy it, you see, and carry it around with me and tell everyone that I’ve had a novel published. Then everyone will think I’m really cool, don’t you think?
BOOKSELLER: . . .
- that's reeeaaallllyyy really creative
CUSTOMER : It’s amazing, isn’t it, how little we really know about writers’ lives? Especially the old ones.
BOOKSELLER : I guess the lives of writers have changed a lot.
CUSTOMER : Yes. And don’t forget about those women who used to write under male names.
BOOKSELLER : Yes, like George Eliot.
CUSTOMER : I always thought Charles Dickens was probably a woman.
BOOKSELLER : . . . I’m pretty sure Charles Dickens was a man.
CUSTOMER : But who’s to say?
BOOKSELLER : Well, he was pretty prominent in society; lots of people saw him.
CUSTOMER : But maybe that was all a show – maybe that was her brother, whilst Charlene was at home, writing.
BOOKSELLER : . . .
- that thinks Bronte has some future prediction about vampire
CUSTOMER : Do you have a copy of Bella Swan’s favourite book? You know, from Twilight?
(Bookseller sighs and pulls a copy of Wuthering Heights off the shelf)
CUSTOMER : Do you have the one with the cover that looks like Twilight?
BOOKSELLER : No. This is an antiquarian bookshop, so this is an old edition of the book.
CUSTOMER : But it’s still the one with that girl Cathy and the dangerous guy, right?
BOOKSELLER : Yes, it’s still the story by Emily Bronte.
CUSTOMER : Right. Do you think they’ll make it into a film?
BOOKSELLER : They’ve made several films of it. The one where Ralph Fiennes plays Heathcliff is very good.
CUSTOMER : What? Voldemort plays Heathcliff?
BOOKSELLER : Well. . .
CUSTOMER : But that’s Edward’s role.
BOOKSELLER : Wuthering Heights was written well before both Harry Potter and Twilight.
CUSTOMER : Yeah, but Voldemort killed Cedric, who’s played by Robert Pattinson, and now Voldemort’s playing Edward’s role in Wuthering Heights, because Edward’s character is Heathcliff. I think that Emily Bronte’s trying to say something about vampires.
BOOKSELLER : . . . that’s £8.
CUSTOMER : For what?
BOOKSELLER : For the book.
CUSTOMER : Oh, no, it’s OK, I’m going to go and try and find the Voldemort DVD version.
Oke...the list could go on and on and on..I could quote them all and put it here just to show you which one I think was funny (all of them are!). In fact, I think I just quoted almost half of the book X)
But...though I laughed hard while I was reading it, I can't help feeling a bit sad too. Neil Gaiman said this on the book cover : "So Funny, So Sad". And yeah, he's right.
I'm sad cause I realize there are many people out there who completely clueless about books.
And for that, I think the world (lebay dikit) has to thank Meyer.
Because of Twilight, many teenagers now curious about Wuthering Heights and some even go the extent of reading it.
Also thanks to Meyers for choosing Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner to star in the movie. Many people out there who knew nothing about Twilight Saga at first, fell in love with the actors then proceed to read the whole series.
I know I loathe Twilight Saga so much (especially the last book :D), but I have to give Meyer credit for her influence to the reading world.
So this salute goes to you Meyer and all the authors that manage to get their books made into movie and, in the end, gained more people that become interested with their books and reading world in general. (yep...I'm also talking to you : Rowling, Neil Gaiman, EL James, Suzanne Collins, etc).
And I give credit too for the producers & their crews who made film based on books and cleverly choose actors that succeed in selling the movie and increase the awareness for the books. That means you: the LOTR movie teams, the Harry Potter movie teams, Twilight Saga movie teams, The Narnia movie teams, etc (lupa ah sapa aja. #jyiaahh)
Thank you, guys. Thank you :D
Oh before I ended this rambling, just wanna give you one of my favourite quote from this book, one of the funniest but also the saddest :
CUSTOMER: Which was the first Harry Potter book?
BOOKSELLER: The Philosopher’s Stone.
CUSTOMER: And the second?
BOOKSELLER: The Chamber of Secrets.
CUSTOMER: I’l take The Chamber of Secrets. I don’t want The Philosopher’s Stone.
BOOKSELLER: Have you already read that one?
CUSTOMER: No, but with series of books I always find they take a while to really get going. I don’t want to waste my time with the useless introductory stuff at the beginning.
BOOKSELLER: The story in Harry Potter actually starts right away. Personally, I do recommend that you start with the first book – and it’s very good.
CUSTOMER: Are you working on commission?
CUSTOMER: Right. How many books are there in total?
CUSTOMER: Exactly. I’m not going to waste my money on the first book when there are so many others to buy. I’l take the second one.
BOOKSELLER: . . . If you’re sure.
(One week later, the customer returns)
BOOKSELLER: Hi, did you want to buy a copy of The Prisoner of Azkaban?
CUSTOMER: What’s that?
BOOKSELLER: It’s the book after The Chamber of Secrets.
CUSTOMER: Oh, no, definitely not. I found that book far too confusing. I ask you, how on earth are children supposed to understand it if I can’t? I mean, who the heck is that Voldemort guy anyway? No. I’m not going to bother with the rest.
BOOKSELLER: . . .
PS : Euh...baru nyadar, ini repiu kenapa endingnya jadi lebay ya? Padahal niatnya bikin repiu becanda (_ _")